Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
