It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
