new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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