you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Is it because I queefed?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
