If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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