I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
