Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
