you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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