i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
