You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
whose parrot is this?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
