I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
