i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
