are you so shy because you have an std?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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