I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
