Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
