Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
