Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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