she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
