how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
