You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
