I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
