these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
