dude i'm inner monologue high
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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