Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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