You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
