i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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