Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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