well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
