You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
