You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
