I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
