I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
