tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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