My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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