I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
