You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
