so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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