After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
