Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
