Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
