These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
