i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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