Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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