You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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