People in love make me want to vomit
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
