My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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