Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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