I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
