So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
pray to the hookup gods
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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