MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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