if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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