There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
