i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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