i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
