Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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