I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
