I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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