Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
