we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
