it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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