I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
