That's intense
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
