have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
