You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize