Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
