Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
