just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
