At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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