i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
