All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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