Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
